i just had sex bonerless
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
