just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
