Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
