8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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