I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
