I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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