new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
