Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
