fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
