So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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