so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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