Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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