I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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