my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
