Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
