her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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