Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
