i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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