im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize