I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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