Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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