I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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