just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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