So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
