WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
