So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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