What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
