so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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