How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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