Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
