man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
