Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
