i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
