So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
