now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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