I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
