his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
