I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
