Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found the puke drawer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
