got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize