I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
