in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
