Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
