in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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