so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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