There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
