Kiss
Puke
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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