I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
