This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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