Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
