Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My feet surprised me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
