Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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