i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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