just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
