Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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