i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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