The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
