whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
