never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
