I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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