im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
