im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
