I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
