I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
