Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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