i can't believe i had my finger in that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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