I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
