I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
