His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
