Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
