I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize