You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
