So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
