you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
