i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize