we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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