Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
