so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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