I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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