my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
