So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish you could order shots online.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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