you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
