TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize