Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
