I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
