He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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