You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
