Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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