I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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