Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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