I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
