hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
