every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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