a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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