fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize