Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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