who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
