so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
