You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
