it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
