I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
