ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
