K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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