You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
