I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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