I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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