If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
