just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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