I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
