Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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